I am not attracted to him anymore.

 

I was in my usual Café the other day when I noticed a young woman in her early 20s.  I had seen there a few times in a corner.  She was dabbing her eyes with her handkerchief trying not to smudge her makeup.  She looked thoroughly miserable and by the state of her eyes she had recently been crying.  After a little while of watching her in this state I went across and asked her if she needed anything.  It was not quite on impulse but there you are.  She did not look surprised and gestured to me to take a seat. I thought this was a reasonably positive sign in the circumstances.

“How’s it going? I said as an opening gambit. I obviously knew something was up, but how do you start a conversation with someone you have never met who is crying?

She didn’t answer. I noticed that her skin was almost translucent white and her veins could be seen clearly.  I had to check myself otherwise she’d have caught me staring. Actually I was staring taking in every inch of her in big visual gulps.

“I couldn’t help noticing that you looked a little upset.” I ventured hesitantly. Actually I couldn’t help noticing and large number of things about her.  What was I doing though?

She looked at me intently as if trying to decide whether she could trust me and then sniffed loudly and neatly folded her handkerchief.  Her eyes were big and beautiful and her tears seemed to make them more rather than less attractive.  I could see tears brimming and her eyelashes glistened as if flecked with tiny jewels as she looked up at me.

“I don’t know if my English is good enough to explain well.” She said looking suddenly very vulnerable.  She was biting her lower lip and I tried not to notice this too much.  She sniffed again loudly attracting at least one glance from some of the other people in the café.

“Would you like another coffee?”

“Yes I would but I’ll get it.”

I was glad because without checking I probably didn’t have enough Yen for two more coffees. I seemed to be in a constant state of poverty but in a way I liked it too.  I watched her as she walked across to the counter.  She was tall and had a nice figure. She moved well, which I think is important.  She returned a little while later with two coffees.

“By the way my name is Emi.  You must be wondering why I’m upset?” She said without preamble or hesitation.

“Well you know…I thought maybe something had happened as you usually look quite cheerful.” I reached in my pocket and gave her one of the cards I kept for this kind of situation.

“Oh, I hadn’t realised that you had noticed me before.” She smiled at me then bowed her head to study my card.  I blushed.

“Well I have noticed you in passing.” Of course any man would have noticed her.  She was very shapely in all the right places and had a cute smile as a bonus.

“I have seen you too.  You come here and just sit there writing.  You always order a Café Mocha Tall and take one napkin and sit in that seat over there.”

 I was impressed.  I always ordered the same drink and sat in the same place because the electrical socket there enabled me to steal electricity and power my laptop and it provided a good view of the entire Café.

“Ah, you have been watching me.” I said with a bashful grin.

She laughed and I knew right then that I wanted to be with her.  We then nattered about all kinds of things.  I managed to find out some of her likes and dislikes and quite a lot about her background which I carefully filed away.  It turned out she had been a model but had got involved with some guy who made her give it up.  In a way I couldn’t blame him.  She was charming, witty and had a very sharp sense of humour.

After finishing our coffee she suggested that we go to the park.  We landed up on some bench.  We sat in silence and it was nice and cosy just sitting there almost touching shoulders. 

“So, why the tears earlier?”

“I just realised something about the guy I’ve been seeing.” She rested her head on my shoulder as she said this.”

“Ok – go on.” I thought maybe she was going to tell me he had been having an affair.

“Well, I realised that I am just not attracted to him anymore.  He irritates me in a thousand ways.  When he is there I feel stressed and when he goes I feel relieved and when he calls I just can’t be bothered to talk to him.  He is so childish.  He is jealous if I go out with my friends and when I am with him he doesn’t think of anywhere to take me.  He just announced he is travelling this coming holiday so I would be alone.  I am not going to be alone again.  I would rather leave him and be with someone else rather than be alone again this holiday.”

“So he has let you down before.”  I thought this might let her know I cared.

“He always lets me down and now I have had enough.  I told him today we are finished and to get his stuff out of my apartment.”

“You were living together then?”

“No, he just had his things there”

“Did he have a key?”

“I think he took my spare key a while ago.  He broke in the other week when I put the chain on.  It scared me a lot.”

I nodded wondering where this was going to lead.  Hitting on women on the rebound really wasn’t my style and nor was getting involved with someone with a boyfriend still prowling around hoping for reconciliation and quite possibly looking for someone to vent his anger on.

“Do you know whether or not he has finished moving out?

I thought I felt her hand brush my leg.

“I don’t know and I don’t want to call him to find out.”

I felt her grip my arm.  She looked at me for a moment as if thinking about something.  Her grip relaxed.

“Could you come with me to my apartment?” I was surprised but also thinking that maybe she was interested in me.  I thought it wouldn’t really hurt.

“Yes, if you think it will help but I don’t really want him to think you left him for me ok.”  She smiled sweetly.

“Would that be a bad thing?” 

It was my turn to be silent. We seemed to be walking for an age and I had no idea where I was. 

We eventually arrived at her apartment and we went up to the 4^th floor.  There were no lights on and I suggested she went in first and if he were still there let me know somehow and I would then wait for her in the car park.  I really didn’t want any confrontations today.  She went inside and a moment later reappeared, grabbing my arm, pulling me inside, whilst simultaneously locking the door behind me. 

I could not see anything in the hallway as my eyes were adjusting to the semi darkness.  I carefully removed my shoes and put my rucksack down under her table.  I noticed some taped up boxes and a holdall near to the door that I presumed were her ex-boyfriends possessions.

 She gently guided me in into the apartment and invited me to sit down on  some large cushions that I recognised as being from Muji.   She then went to the kitchen area and made some drinks.  I could could hear her happily singing away.

 Just then I heard a key against the door lock.  She came flying out of the kitchen grabbed my arm and dragged me towards a nearby door.  She slid this across and half pushed half dragged me into the futon storage cupboard.   She then returned to the living room sliding the door closed behind her.  A moment later I heard raised voices.  I had wrapped myself in a spare futon just in case but it was an obvious hiding place and unless someone was not looking for someone I was bound to be discovered.  I thought I would just have to wait it out.  I tried relax and get in a more comfortable position.  Not surprisingly there seemed to be an argument going on in the next room.  It seemed to go on and on.  I thought I heard some glass break and more shouting then silence.  I thought that at any moment the door to the cupboard would slide open and either everything would be ok or I would be confronted by an already angry man wanting some answers. I suddenly felt really drowsy and I drifted off to sleep.

I woke with a start.  I suddenly remembered my rucksack under the table and hoped that noone would not notice it as that would no doubt trigger a search.  I could not hear anything.  I had no idea how long I had slept.  I decided to try to find out what was going on.  I carefully extricated myself from the futon and slid the door to the cupboard open a crack.  I couldn’t hear anything.  I lay there for what seemed like an  hour just listening.  There was absolutely no sound.

I opened the cupboard door as quietly as possible and moved like a cat to the other side of the room.  I crouched down and listened at the door.  I then back tracked and went to open the door to the balcony just in case I needed to escape.  It looked as if someone had broken the lock on this door quite recently.  I noticed a baseball bat by the window and took hold of this.  The smooth wood of the handle and weight gave me a little confidence.  I then returned and crouched beside the door – I could not hear a thing.  I then opened the door very slowly a tiny crack and looked into the front room. It was in semi-darkness so I decided to open the door and switch on the light.

The room was a chaotic mess.  There was broken glass all over the floor, plants and broken furniture but I didn’t really care about that.  All I could see now was Emi laying on her back on the table her eyes wide open.  Half the table was pooled in dark red blood.  It was her blood.  One of her arms was draped limply over the side of the table.    I flung the bat to one side and I ran over to her oblivious to the broken glass.  I didn’t feel anything at the time.  I felt her neck for a pulse and I couldn’t find anything but I kept trying.  She wasn’t breathing and she felt very cold and had lost lots of blood.   I tried desperately to resuscitate her and somehow managed to phone the emergency services too.  I knew it was too late.  As soon as they arrived they confirmed she had been dead for some time.  A while later a lot of people arrived and I was standing in the middle of a crime scene only this time I was an integral part of it.

I was in a daze and standing to one side now handcuffed to a young police officer who was humming tunelessly.

I just managed to say something that in retrospect must have sounded like I was definitely the murderer.

‘I hardly knew her.  It wasn’t me I swear I was just hiding in the futon cupboard’.

Then I looked down and saw I was standing in a pool of my own blood.  My bloody footprints led to the table and circled around it.  It looked completely hopeless for me and I just had to trust that forensics did a good job and hopefully confirmed my innocence.

‘Don’t worry its my blood’.  I said to the team who were busy carefully bagging and labelling the blood smeared baseball bat. One of them looked at me briefly and their eyes told me everything I needed to know.

 To be continued……