Betrayed Again

You were thinking that this was not your world. The glass dropped in slow motion to the tiled floor.  I look at your reflection.  I see something ugly staring out of the well with glassy eyes and a lizard’s tongue- a reflection? 

You did not know I was there as you took his hand and traced your finger in his palm, such a sensual move.  The forest smells of mould and slowly decaying organisms; nothing grows here anymore; and all that tries to live will come to nothing.  As I looked at that reflection of you with him I knew the glue that cemented my world was coming apart piece by piece.  The animal had been there for several days and its body was bloated with gas and riddled with maggots. 

You were smiling and looking into his eyes holding his hand close to your lips.  I could see the glasses flying in all directions as his face slammed into the half inch plate window with a ‘boom’ sound.  I could not hear your words clearly nor understand what was said but I heard my name and suddenly your face was serious and you were using the voice you use to talk about money.  His expression was one of fear as the slap hit him like a cricket bat. 

I understood in that moment that my fate was being decidedby you and him.  I knew it was enough and he would not be getting up from that last slap.  I looked at him and realised that this was the kind of man you had always dreamed about.  He laid a bloodied mess on the café floor with his limbs at strange angles.  He had all the trappings of success such as expensive clothes, Franck Muller watch, and other carefully coordinated accessories. 

 Someone was whimpering and I felt a tug at my arm getting more urgent.  He was not tall but stylish and well groomed.  ‘Stop’ she said ‘he’s had enough’.  He smiled a lot and let you do the talking nodding in response and smiling at you agreeably. 

‘It’s OK I’m done’ I said ‘he was being disrespectful’.  I could see why you were attracted to him as he was charming  gave you his full attention.  My feet scrunched on the broken glass as I tossed some money at the open mouthed waitress ‘Keep the change’.  You looked good together like a couple from the designer glossies. 

He was going to need some expensive reconstruction.  I felt tears brimming in my eyes so I collected up my things and left quietly by the other exit.  As an after thought I then turned, picked him up by his collars, and stuck him onto the nearby coat hooks.  I hoped that you had not seen me but part of me knew that you might have sensed my presence. 

I did not give a damn that anyone saw me as red embers were burning in my mind.  I felt that I had intruded on your privacy but felt justified because I now knew the truth.  You were in no doubt what my thoughts on the matter were as you looked in fear at the broken body of your lover.  Some guy turned to me and asked me in broken English if I had the time.  She looked at me with accusing eyes and asked me what to do.  ‘Sorry can’t help you.  Try the face in the jacket’ I said ‘He should be hanging around for a while’.

When you returned home I asked you how your day had been. Something warm, greasy, and undulating, was sliding down my throat threatening to wrap itself around my heart. You told me such a convincing cover story of meeting with you friends that I almost believed you ad I not seen you with him.   I wondered how long it had been going on and as I thought of him with you I felt anger rising again. 

I thought of how, only hours before, you had been holding your lovers hand so tenderly.  ‘Yes’, I’m no angel and its no fun unless it hurts.  I looked at your index finger as if it would reveal your inner secrets.  I could feel my fingers clenching tightly. 

I could not look into your eyes afraid to see the betrayal in them.  The lies burned into my mind as you acted as if nothing had occurred.  I wondered when you would tell me that our relationship was over.  I’d be free of course to cause chaos again. 

I knew I was now reduced to a problem that had to be dealt with.  He would be out of action for a good while now.  You asked me how my day had been and I joked that I had had to turn down several interesting offers but I hadn’t been doing anything half as exciting as she had.  The guy should have been wearing some protection when he hit that wall knowing my reputation. 

You looked at me strangely and said something like ‘same old line every time’ but this time I thought I saw a flicker of something in her expression.  I wondered if the paramedics had managed to get him down yet as the first shot hit the back of my throat.  I thought to myself that I really must come up with a better one line response or she will guess I know what she is up to.  It shimmied along with its proboscis held out ready to suck my blood – strange unearthly creature. 

You made tea and we sat there in silence both lost in our thoughts sipping tea.  We put it in a jar and watched it slowly die a painful chemical death.  It is at times like this that I most crave a cigarette but fter finishing the tea I decided to pour a large whiskey instead.  Grey slime oozed from it as it tried to desperately to escape.

You looked thoughtful and then laughed and said ‘I’ve been thinking and I think we ought to make some lifestyle changes’.  ‘Another Whiskey please Mike’, I would do the same again.  I was suddenly feeling dazed as she went on thinking that this was the moment perhaps planned for for some time.   I started to regret that second large whiskey as I started to lose my edge.  

 ‘I think you should eat more healthily and do some regular exercise’. Everything was getting less clear cut and the blurry grey area was making a return.   In response I told her that I had discovered today that Americans say ‘healthful eating’ istead of ‘healthy’ and that the enzyme that breaks down cellulose is missing in humans but termites use microbes in their gut to do the same job. 

It is hard to make the human body fly without applying considerable force or using effective leverage.  I was slightly surprised that these two gems intended to preempt the blow of her announcement of the end now seemed like the ravings of a madman.  I probably needed fresh air or a shower or maybe a new life.  ‘Well, yes I was thinking of doing something now that my arm is better’. 

I suddenly felt like taking on a room of dangerous violent people and practising Ju-Jitsu with them.  ‘Good’ she said.  ‘Crikey’ I thought possibly in homage to the late Steve Irwin and poured myself some more whiskey.  ‘The change will do you good’ she said brightly. 

I rehearsed how I was going to deal with each attack just as I’d been trained.  ‘Yes you are right’ I said ‘I’ll do my best’.  The thing lay dead in the jar and later I tossed it in toilet ‘eat what’s down there and die’ – my epitaph - I thought.  I snarled somewhat more defiantly than usual but all the sound anyone could actually hear was a sigh. 

You were thinking that this was not your world. The glass dropped in slow motion to the tiled floor and whiskey spread slowly down the cracks.  Watching spilled liquid slowly disappearing I pondered the impermanence of all things and had the feeling that I was all alone again.