Reaching for the secret

Trying to remember somewhere I was once.  It is like trying to remember a dream that slips further into to the far reaches of the mind the more I try to bring it into focus.  The memory is of a modernist house.  Is this another life I led?  I remember fragments like snapshots or stills from a film.  Just fleeting images like the flick of a fishes tail. Bare feet on slate. Water. Looking through large plate glass windows.  Light in a raindrop.  Silhouettes.  This is my life in a breath.  All my thoughts flowing from me like blood.  When all the threads of light are gone then what is left of me? I know nothing.  White cotton.  Skin. Mould. Dust

Silence

I have not uttered a word all day

My night and your night disconnected

That’s nothing to do with me and nothing to do with you

Just my night and your night separately

I have no words but silence

Red Red and Amber Green Amber

Illuminated clock face perfect time

This chain of events crawls

Unfolding day by day

Should I go or should I stay?

Is anybody there this time?

You don’t need me any more

I’m past moving on

Only to forget will set me free

Moon or street lights I can’t tell

Red, red and amber, green, amber

A Simple Life

You want a simple life and you told me that you wanted to spend your days feeling happy and appreciated and doing anything you wanted to do.  Of course you don’t want to be uncomfortable or have to suffer or work very hard either.

Okinawa Death Life Birth Honesty and Making a Living

The week began Sunday night with the news of a death of a child in a tragic drowning incident.  A good friend had been running a course to introduce kids to their local beaches.  What was a wonderful day properly organised with activities for kids and the participation of their parents and the local community became a nightmare

Neko

I often go for a walk when I cannot sleep, especially when the moon is full. On these nights I do not feel in the least bit tired and just start walking. On this particular night I felt quite happy to be walking along the road in the moonlight and before long I achieved the state where my body felt like it was floating along with a steady rhythm and my mind was free to wander. Sometimes when I reach this state I might make up a play and have all the various parts playing in my head. I was therefore not aware of the scooter until it was quite close to me and was startled by the sudden sound as it sped past me. It was an older model called a Honda Joker and this one was shiny black with chrome handlebars. The rider had a black helmet, dark tinted goggles, and as far as I recall was dressed entirely in black.

Changing Minds: David Raho Meets Will Self

Most of the people I admire are dead so Will Self is something of an exception as he is very much alive and at Clapham Books on 23^rd October 2008 he was relieved to be back in London after touring around promoting his new book ‘Liver ; A Fictional Organ With A Surface Anatomy Of Four Lobes’. This was the first reading and book signing thing I have ever been to, or wanted to attend, but I could not resist meeting the man who has written books such as ‘The Book of Dave‘, ‘Cock and Bull’ and ‘Butt’ to name but a few. I was there early and was offered a glass of wine by the nice people, Nikki Kastner, Ed Mcgarry, and Alastair Kenward, of Clapham Books who own one of the very few independent bookshops left in this part of London.

If You Had Not Been There

If You Had Not Been There
Then who would have been in the space where you were.
And spoken with soft words about the energy of colours
If you had not been there
Then who would have been there to smile and tell me
With kind words about the meaning of giant spiders
If you had not been there
Then we would not have walked side by side by the River Thames
And drank earl grey and talked about identity and life
If you had not been there
Then I would not have been captivated and full of thoughts
And floating home with words singing in every fibre of being
If you had not been there
Then who would have been there and this would just have been
Another dream of longing to fill the empty spaces all around
If you had not been there

Short Lives

A young woman walks past he sees her put down her shopping bags briefly as she retrieves her travel card but she leaves one behind as she hurries for the bus. He sees this and moves quickly picking up the plastic carrier bag briefly examining its contents that he assumes is fresh meat or fish. Nice and easy. He takes a breath as he sees the woman get on the bus. She does not look back and he lets out his breath. He looks quickly left and right to see if he has been seen and then walks off briskly towards the park. It’s not stealing if you find something is it?  It’s your destiny. You can’t argue with fate can you? He feels nothing. He has already forgotten her face. She no longer exists to him if she ever existed at all.

Tonight I Am Restless And Cannot Sleep

Tonight I am so restless and cannot sleep.  I just raided the fridge and ate some cold jerk chicken and washed it down with some milk. The night bus thundered past lighting up the kitchen strobing my movement. Suddenly I am caught in the act by several pairs of roving eyes.

Why Is It That That That Is Essentially Me, Loves You?

Why is it that that that is essentially me, loves you?

The Honey Trap

The spaces between are empty and we move from one trap to the next until we are too worn down to resist any more.  The brightness fades from our eyes, the shine from greying hair, and our once hard bodies, ache, soften, crease, and sag like old leather.

Take Care and Be Happy

The criticisms that were often made of him were not altogether unfamiliar.  That he had tried to lift himself out of the mundane routines and practicalities of everyday existence and tried in vain to reach for something slightly beyond his grasp is true.

Starting Again

I was walking dreaming when I passed the Thai restaurant and thought I saw a slight movement or perhaps sensed the spark of life. And there, clinging to the blood red wall, was an exotic creature. I guess it must have stowed away in a crate of restaurant supplies. After making good its escape it was now resting a while and trying to get its bearings before it made its way in this strange cold place. I look at its beautiful camouflaged pattern wings dusted with gold; wings that should be warmed by the slight stirring of a sub-tropical breeze not the hot oily discharge from a dirty restaurant extractor fan. It had perhaps found a tiny oasis of warmth. Seeing this doomed being though struck a chord in my heart and I felt once again the soft touch of your finger tips sending shivers up my spine and the warmth of your body. I felt sad though too knowing that this beautiful little creature would die soon, cold and far from the warmth of its home. I had not dared to breathe and then as if knowing its fate it appeared to give a small bow. I bowed too in return then it flew off into the night leaving me alone again.

Trying to Write

I had a lot on my mind and when that happens I know that I won’t get anything written. The only cure I know is to go out and bring some paper and my trusty fountain pen and find somewhere different to write. On this occasion I took a bus into Newcastle and after walking around a bit found a cafe and purchased a BLT and a Mocha.